Breastfeeding.
When I found out I was pregnant the very first thing I started to "fantasize" about was breastfeeding my baby! What sweet moments between the two of us, the bonding, the nurturing and the satisfaction that I was giving my baby the best option! In reality, I've never cried so much and also... OUCH. Breastfeeding HURTS, however, there is nothing like breast milk when it comes to nutrition, antibodies and so many other things so I kept it up! It's so good for your new baby.... and when the time came for my milk to "come in" a few days after my girl was born I got a big huge nothing. Okay, I had a little bit. But my daughter is my husbands child and she was HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. After a few days, horror of horrors, baby lost weight when she should have been gaining. (Yes I know that babies loose some ounces after they are born because they aren't attached to the feeding tube aka umbilical cord. Baby lost her newborn ounces, gained some back and then lost them again... not good.) I started pumping and realized that she was only getting half an ounce from me TOTAL. I cried for days. After all, isn't this is what my body is supposed to be able to do?! Is there something wrong with me?! I started drinking a beer every day, I ate lactation cookies, took lactation supplements, drank gallons of water every day and when I wasn't feeding baby, I was pumping. I pumped while she napped, I pumped after I fed her to up the demand.... I started losing my mind. And on top of that I was still having to supplement with formula.
I found myself sitting all day, every day and my milk supply had only gone up by an ounce. I wasn't sleeping very much at night because baby was still waking up every three to four hours and I was starting to feel sad and angry all the time.
Thankfully, Jesus loves me and all of a sudden women I was very good friends with started sharing how they too had low milk supply! I was stunned! Low milk supply is a thing?! I looked it up, and read blogs and articles about moms everywhere who, for whatever reason, also had low-to-no milk supply. I was encouraged and was able to come to terms with the fact that what I had going on was not unheard of. I started calling my boobs unmotivated instead of defective.
I had to start getting active again, and regain some of my sanity. I stopped stressing out about pumping all the time ( it wasn't really helping anyway), going on walks every day because I had a little more freedom and my baby was doing great! Normal in every way and gaining and growing. Formula was saving me.
Fast forward to today- after the move and not being able to pump at all, or really nurse in the morning like we used to, my milk supply tanked and now I have drops. I have peace of mind though. As my OB nurse said, breast milk is great, formula is good. And now that baby is eating more solid foods I've stopped worrying about it completely. Baby is happy and healthy, and I'm not chained to my pump.
Maybe with the next baby my body will kick into drive, but I can't hinge my triumphs or failures as a mother on something that's completely out of my control. I'm just thankful formula isn't evaporated milk and corn syrup anymore.
Thanks for reading!
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| Basically newborns are awake only long enough to nurse and pee/poop. |
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| Milk drunk is a real thing. Soooo cute |
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| Baby was really good at breastfeeding! And then after a few weeks she figured out that the bottle was faster.... and then it was a battle of wills every time we had to nurse. She always won. |
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