Marrying A Man Who Leaves

“Oh wow, he’s gone for how long?” “That must be hard.” “Since you’re getting married is he going to do something else?” “Since you’re having a baby, is he going to do something else?” “I guess that is nice when he’s home, but I just COULDN’T do that, it’s too much time away.” “How much longer is he going to sail?”

As some of you may know, my husband has a very interesting career. He sails on an oil tanker down in the Gulf of Mexico, and this job requires that he work for 75 days at a time and then gets to come home for about 75 days at a time. This means that when he is gone I am the only caretaker of our house and daughter, the only one going to church every Sunday (okay, almost every Sunday…), the one who takes out the trash, the main parent to our children and the person who sleeps with a gun on the bedside table at night.

But most of all, we are a married couple who love each other very much. So, yes, it can be hard. But, he may never do anything else. Unless we won the lottery, in which case HELLO COFFEE TRUCK! As we all know, those odds are slim. So, a-sailing he must go!

He was 27 and I was 20 when we met and was a few years into this career already, so there was hardly a transition. This just IS our normal. We have exchanged countless emails when he’s out at sea, and when he is in port, countless phone calls and texts. We got to know each other very well those months that we were dating and when I starting falling in love with him I very seriously weighed the consequences of marrying him. He who would have to be apart from me for almost three months at a time. Ouch. Of course, I decided that its totally and completely worth it. HE is worth it, and he obviously decided I was worth it too. Ever the gentleman, he did give me several opportunities to “back out”, and warned me that this lifestyle was not for everyone. Well here we are three years later with a baby. And neither of us will ever back out.

Our life is amazing. You know the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? Well, it does. I appreciate him always, but every time he leaves I am reminded at what an amazing man God let me marry. He is absolutely my best friend, and I like to throw around the term “soulmate” even though he thinks its cheesy as heck. Our relationship is on double time and on half time simultaneously. Since our time together is always precious we usually don’t sweat the small stuff. I say usually because how often can a girl trip over a man’s shoes in a day that were left in the walking path without getting the least bit annoyed? I can’t say that we are always good at “picking our battles” but we definitely don’t worry about things that are inconsequential in the long run. I’m not saying we never have disagreements or petty arguments because we do, but we have learned to resolve things quickly. We had to learn how to communicate very well especially when he is on the ship- because when he is working, everything else has to take a back burner, and that’s okay. He works really hard all day every day for 70-80 days straight.

Growing up I never thought I’d marry someone who would leave for extended periods of time because I like to be close to my people, yet here I am. Our life and this love are proof that the Lord will always know what is best for me and for us. This relationship is teaching me that I cannot always look to my husband for love, joy, and fulfillment; I must look to the Lord for those things.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song I praise Him.” Psalm 28:7 NIV

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23: 1-3 ESV

Me and Baby on the bridge!

Chief Mate himself, with his best girl on the bridge!

The Beauty That Is Breastfeeding

Good afternoon! I'm just going to jump right in here.

Breastfeeding.

When I found out I was pregnant the very first thing I started to "fantasize" about was breastfeeding my baby! What sweet moments between the two of us, the bonding, the nurturing and the satisfaction that I was giving my baby the best option! In reality, I've never cried so much and also... OUCH. Breastfeeding HURTS, however, there is nothing like breast milk when it comes to nutrition, antibodies and so many other things so I kept it up! It's so good for your new baby.... and when the time came for my milk to "come in" a few days after my girl was born I got a big huge nothing. Okay, I had a little bit. But my daughter is my husbands child and she was HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. After a few days, horror of horrors, baby lost weight when she should have been gaining. (Yes I know that babies loose some ounces after they are born because they aren't attached to the feeding tube aka umbilical cord. Baby lost her newborn ounces, gained some back and then lost them again... not good.) I started pumping and realized that she was only getting half an ounce from me TOTAL. I cried for days. After all, isn't this is what my body is supposed to be able to do?! Is there something wrong with me?! I started drinking a beer every day, I ate lactation cookies, took lactation supplements, drank gallons of water every day and when I wasn't feeding baby, I was pumping. I pumped while she napped, I pumped after I fed her to up the demand.... I started losing my mind. And on top of that I was still having to supplement with formula.

I found myself sitting all day, every day and my milk supply had only gone up by an ounce. I wasn't sleeping very much at night because baby was still waking up every three to four hours and I was starting to feel sad and angry all the time. 

Thankfully, Jesus loves me and all of a sudden women I was very good friends with started sharing how they too had low milk supply! I was stunned! Low milk supply is a thing?! I looked it up, and read blogs and articles about moms everywhere who, for whatever reason, also had low-to-no milk supply. I was encouraged and was able to come to terms with the fact that what I had going on was not unheard of. I started calling my boobs unmotivated instead of defective.

I had to start getting active again, and regain some of my sanity. I stopped stressing out about pumping all the time ( it wasn't really helping anyway), going on walks every day because I had a little more freedom and my baby was doing great! Normal in every way and gaining and growing. Formula was saving me. 

Fast forward to today- after the move and not being able to pump at all, or really nurse in the morning like we used to, my milk supply tanked and now I have drops. I have peace of mind though. As my OB nurse said, breast milk is great, formula is good. And now that baby is eating more solid foods I've stopped worrying about it completely. Baby is happy and healthy, and I'm not chained to my pump. 

Maybe with the next baby my body will kick into drive, but I can't hinge my triumphs or failures as a mother on something that's completely out of my control. I'm just thankful formula isn't evaporated milk and corn syrup anymore. 

Thanks for reading!

Basically newborns are awake only long enough to nurse and pee/poop.

Milk drunk is a real thing. Soooo cute

 

Baby was really good at breastfeeding! And then after a few weeks she figured out that the bottle was faster.... and then it was a battle of wills every time we had to nurse. She always won. 

Life Update

It's a rainy, cloudy day today here is North Idaho. And thanks to our newest member of the family (an at-home espresso machine) I have all the hot chocolate and lattes I need to get through the gloomy season now upon us. The past few months have been full of traveling! Husband had a work conference in Fort Lauderdale, FL in September, so the three of us flew down to spend the week by tropical Dania Beach. While he was away from 8-5 Mon-Thurs, baby and I swam in the pool, watched some movies, tanned a little, did yoga and read books! I got to meet some other moms/wives of Chief Mates and Captains, and we all endured the 90 degree weather and 80% humidity together.

Baby did extremely well on her first flights to FL (with a layover in Dallas-Ft Worth). Only the descent seemed to bother her, but she stayed on her schedule very well, taking naps and eating well during the flights. She is a pretty content child, though, and I suspect God blessed me with an easygoing baby on the first go-around. She is teething and while we were in Florida she popped her first tooth! She had another one start to poke out, but I think it retracted because I don't feel more teeth. The weekend following the conference we drove to Miami (which is only 30 minutes away from Ft. Lauderdale) and stayed at a fancy hotel that had direct access to the beach. It was my first time actually swimming in the Atlantic and it was amazing! I've always loved anything having to do with the Ocean (whether East coast or West coast). The sea mesmerizes me, reminds me of the Eternal One, and calls to my soul (as I'm sure it does for most people). I'm happy to have married a sailor! I could have swam in that warm, salty water for hours! Adeline gets up around 7 most days, so we got up with her and watched the sunrise over the horizon! The sun rises above the sea level much quicker than you think it does, quickly becoming very bright and warm.

After we got back from FL (both flights were delayed by a couple hours) we had four days to prepare for having family staying with us! My in-laws and my mom and sister come up and spent the weekend with us... only let's be honest, they just came to see the baby... It was so fun to have everyone here. My in-laws made dinner a couple times for everyone ( and those nights ended up being 8 people when my two brothers were over), they let Husband and I go on date nights and it was so nice to have time for just us! I love having a full house, and makes me look forward to doing it again for Thanksgiving! It will especially nice since Husband will likely miss all the holidays.

So that's the little update for all my avid readers! Hehe :)

Hanging out in the hotel lobby!

Our view from the hotel room!

Family photo while watching the sunrise.

Cutie girl!

Another sunrise.... in love.

Adeline loved the ocean! She got doused a couple times and was unfazed!