Marrying A Man Who Leaves

“Oh wow, he’s gone for how long?” “That must be hard.” “Since you’re getting married is he going to do something else?” “Since you’re having a baby, is he going to do something else?” “I guess that is nice when he’s home, but I just COULDN’T do that, it’s too much time away.” “How much longer is he going to sail?”

As some of you may know, my husband has a very interesting career. He sails on an oil tanker down in the Gulf of Mexico, and this job requires that he work for 75 days at a time and then gets to come home for about 75 days at a time. This means that when he is gone I am the only caretaker of our house and daughter, the only one going to church every Sunday (okay, almost every Sunday…), the one who takes out the trash, the main parent to our children and the person who sleeps with a gun on the bedside table at night.

But most of all, we are a married couple who love each other very much. So, yes, it can be hard. But, he may never do anything else. Unless we won the lottery, in which case HELLO COFFEE TRUCK! As we all know, those odds are slim. So, a-sailing he must go!

He was 27 and I was 20 when we met and was a few years into this career already, so there was hardly a transition. This just IS our normal. We have exchanged countless emails when he’s out at sea, and when he is in port, countless phone calls and texts. We got to know each other very well those months that we were dating and when I starting falling in love with him I very seriously weighed the consequences of marrying him. He who would have to be apart from me for almost three months at a time. Ouch. Of course, I decided that its totally and completely worth it. HE is worth it, and he obviously decided I was worth it too. Ever the gentleman, he did give me several opportunities to “back out”, and warned me that this lifestyle was not for everyone. Well here we are three years later with a baby. And neither of us will ever back out.

Our life is amazing. You know the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? Well, it does. I appreciate him always, but every time he leaves I am reminded at what an amazing man God let me marry. He is absolutely my best friend, and I like to throw around the term “soulmate” even though he thinks its cheesy as heck. Our relationship is on double time and on half time simultaneously. Since our time together is always precious we usually don’t sweat the small stuff. I say usually because how often can a girl trip over a man’s shoes in a day that were left in the walking path without getting the least bit annoyed? I can’t say that we are always good at “picking our battles” but we definitely don’t worry about things that are inconsequential in the long run. I’m not saying we never have disagreements or petty arguments because we do, but we have learned to resolve things quickly. We had to learn how to communicate very well especially when he is on the ship- because when he is working, everything else has to take a back burner, and that’s okay. He works really hard all day every day for 70-80 days straight.

Growing up I never thought I’d marry someone who would leave for extended periods of time because I like to be close to my people, yet here I am. Our life and this love are proof that the Lord will always know what is best for me and for us. This relationship is teaching me that I cannot always look to my husband for love, joy, and fulfillment; I must look to the Lord for those things.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song I praise Him.” Psalm 28:7 NIV

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23: 1-3 ESV

Me and Baby on the bridge!

Chief Mate himself, with his best girl on the bridge!